The difference between 6 band and 7.5 band could be as simple as the difference between using ‘hungry’ and ‘starving’. Or it could also be a grammatical error like “they should promulgate a new legislation to protect women’s right”. Here the correct phrase would be ‘women’s rights’ as we are using the plural noun ‘women’.
In this article, you will learn about such differences between a 6 band essay and a 7.5 band essay in the writing task 2 of the IELTS. A sample 6 band essay will be taken as an example and each point will be reframed by pointing out the mistakes and making the sentence structure and grammar better. This will enable you to get a higher and desired band.
Example question:
Deforestation caused by human activity is happening in many parts of the world, with serious results for the environment.
What do you think can be done to solve this problem?
Now, look at this sample answer by a student. It has been marked as a 6 band answer.
Sample 6 band answer:
In today’s world, due to modernization, industrialization large acres of ground, forests are being cleared. To setup industries and civilization for humans. As a result, the number of plants and animals is declining.
Now-a-days where human is becoming more and more dependent on the machines, the traditional methods of doing some work are just collecting dust. Also, due to increase in population increasing needs of human for land and water , natural habitats of animals are ruined. Large forests are being cleared to set up commercial sites. Expanstion of civilization has led to decline in number plants and animals. Due to this imbalance in nature lots of other major problem have arisen. One of the major problem, is of the unexpected change in climate. The global warming is a matter of concern for us. This global warming may lead to melting of polar ice, which can cause blunders.
Steps should be taken to prevent these problems. Unauthorized construction of commercial cities should be stopped. Deforestation should be checked. More wildlife centuries should be setup so provide natural habitat for animals. Illeagle killing of animals should be stopped. Illeagable cutting of trees should be checked.
More and more plants should be planted every year.
So, if the balance of nature is maintained, then only the earth will be a place worth living and we should contribute towards it, whatever it takes.
How can this be turned into a 7.5 band answer?
Let’s take this ahead step by step.
The first line of the essay itself starts off at the wrong end. You should, always and always begin your essay with a paraphrased sentence of the question.
For this particular essay you may start in the following manner :
“Deforestation is becoming a huge concern world over , thanks to the activities of us human beings”
Moving on to the next sentence, it is grammatically incorrect and not structured properly. Instead of saying, “In today’s world, due to modernization, industrialization large acres of ground, forests are being cleared…..”
A better sentence would have been, “Since many years, we, humans, have been compromising on our natural resources, especially acres of forest land, under the pretext of modernization and industrialization. “
The next sentence has spelling errors as well.
Instead of saying “To setup industries and civilization for humans. As a result, the number of plants and animals is declining….” (words marked in red are wrongly spelt)
A corrected and better sentence would have been “This is done for setting up industries, for building up civilizations and what not. As a result of this, the number of plants and animals are declining rapidly too.”
Moving on to the next part of the essay, the sample essay uses the sentence, “Now-a-days where human is becoming more and more dependent on the machines, the traditional methods of doing some work are just collecting dust. “
This could have been better conveyed by saying , “As humans are becoming more and more dependent on machines, the reliance on traditional methods of doing work are dying out/ are being wiped out.”
In the next sentence, “Also, due to increase in population increasing needs of human for land and water , natural habitats of animals are ruined. “, there are grammatical and structural errors again.
The sentence should have been something like, “Also, due to the increasing population and needs of human being for land water, the natural habitats of animals are getting ruined.”
(In the next part of the blog, all mistakes have been marked in red and the changes and additions have been marked in green)
“Large forests are being cleared to set up commercial sites. Expanstion (Expansion) of civilization has led to decline in number of plants and animals.
“Due to this imbalance in nature , lots (a lot of ) of other major problem (s) have occurred. One of the major problem (s), is of the unexpected and rapid change in climate. The (Global warming )is a matter of concern for us, This global warming may lead to melting of polar ice, which can cause blunders because of the rapid pace at which the polar ice is melting and what that kind of damage that would lead to, is something we should all fear to contemplate.
Steps should (need) be taken to prevent these problems from escalating further. Unauthorized construction of commercial cities should be stopped. Deforestation should be checked. More wildlife centuries (sanctuaries) should be setup so (to) provide natural habitat for animals. Illeagle (illegal) killing of animals should be stopped. Illeagle (illegal) cutting of trees should be checked.
More and more plants should be planted every year. (We should take up the initiative of planting more and more plants every year)
So (In conclusion we can say that only if the balance of nature is maintained, then only the earth will be a place worth living and we should contribute towards it, whatever it takes.
What does the final answer look like?
Deforestation is becoming a huge concern world over , thanks to the activities of us human beings. Since many years, we, humans, have been compromising on our natural resources, especially acres of forest land, under the pretext of modernization and industrialization.
This is done for setting up industries, for building up civilizations and what not. As a result of this, the number of plants and animals are declining rapidly too. As humans are becoming more and more dependent on machines, the reliance on traditional methods of doing work are dying out/ are being wiped out.
Also, due to the increasing population and needs of human being for land water, the natural habitats of animals are getting ruined. Large forests are being cleared to set up commercial sites. Expansion of civilization has led to decline in number of plants and animals.. Due to this imbalance in nature a lot of of other major problems have occurred. One of the major problems, is of the unexpected and rapid change in climate. Global warming )is a matter of concern for us, because of the rapid pace at which the polar ice is melting and what that kind of damage that would lead to, is something we should all fear to contemplate.
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