Let us try to analyse the IELTS writing task 1 perfromance of a candidate.
Question:
You want to request leaves from your HR manager. In your letter, write
- Purpose of wriing letter
- Why you want to take leaves
- Say who will manage work on your behalf
Candidate’s Response:
Dear Sir,
I am writing this letter to request you that I need some leaves in next month.
We are two siblings in the family. My younger sister is got engaged. Her marriage is finalised on 20 December. Moreover, this is first marriage in our family and we all are very excited. My father is alone and I need to go home to support him. Furthermore, there are three functions in continution and there is more to do.
My father is aged and he can not do all the arrangements alone. So, I need a leave for 15 days from 08 to 23 December. I know the importance and priority of agency projects. That why, I have planned everything, so that the work should not suffer. In addition to that, I am working on two projects. Project B, is just started, so I have discussed with Rohit and he is agree to work on the project and will continue from here only. Where as Project A, is about to complete and I am working for extra time to finish the project before I leave.
I hope you understand my family responsibility and allow me for this leave. I am looking forward for your response.
Yours faithfully,
Abhay Mishra
Now, we will try to analyse the following IELTS writing task 1 response as follows:
Para 1
Strength:
First bullet point of the question is answered.
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
None
Para 2
Strength:
Sentence connectors (moreover, furthermore) are used and sentences are structured well.
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
“is got engaged” can be “has got engaged”, “continution” should be “continuation”
Para 3
Strength:
Sentence connectors (in addition to that, whereas) are used and third bullet point of the question is well explained.
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
“That why” should be “That’s why”, “everything, so that” should be “everything so that”, “Project B, is just started, so I have discussed with Rohit and he is agree to work on the project and will continue from here only. Where as Project A, is about to complete and I am working for extra time to finish the project before I leave.” can be “Project B has just got started and I have discussed with Rohit about it who has agreed to work on the project to continue it further, whereas Project A is about to complete and I am also working for extra time to finish the project before I leave.
Para 4
Strength:
Finishing statement is written well as required.
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
“and allow me for this leave” should be “and allow me to take leave”
Expected Band Score: Band 7
The candidates writes free from errors related to grammar and tense, and answers all the parts of questions well but sometimes punctuation, complex structure and other errors are there.
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