IELTS Writing Task 1 Analysis (Accident in Supermarket) – Band 5

 

Let us try to analyse IELTS writing task 1 response by a student.

Question:

You are writing a letter to the manager of a supermarket where you met with an accident and in your letter, write:

• Who you are
• Describe how the accident happened
• What action you want to take

Candidate’s Response:
Dear Sir/Madam,

I am letter writting, to inform you I am resident of Janak puri B-Block your supermarket in B-Block I visited last Sunday. I meet an accident in your supermarket because off your floor near entrance is so slipry, That’s I slipped there it occured having an injury in my foot.

Your’s supermarket is so good and smart shoppers. They gives us to more discounts and good things your supermarket is a complete store. It shows all things latest and smartly. Your supermarket is completly full off all basic needs. But your sleepry floor creats a disadvantage to your customer.

So, I inform you that for repair of your sleepry floor or any rubber coating put on your slipry floor, that makes your coustomer will happy to move your supermarket without any injury or accidenty.

I would like you to take some action for your customers happiness.

yours faithfully,
Now, we will completely analyse the above IELTS writing task 1 response and see what could be the expected band score.
Para 1:

Strength:

First bullet point is explained and purpose of letter is written.

Corrected Erroneous Statement:

“I am writting this letter to inform you that I met with an accident in your supermarket. I am a resident of B-Block, Janak Puri and last Sunday, I visited your supermarket where I met with an accident because of the floor near the entrance which was so slippery that I slipped there and got my right foot injured.”
Para 2:

Strength:

Tone is humble and there’s an attempt to provide some reasons

Corrected Erroneous Statement:

“Your supermarket is so good and well-known among smart shoppers that it provides more discounts and quality products to customers, and thus your supermarket is a complete store on its own. It displays all the latest things smartly and is completely full of all the things required to meet the basic and daily needs of consumers. But your slippery floor creates a disadvantage to your customer.”
Para 3:

Strength:

There’s an attempt to request actions, hence tried to answer third bullet point of question

Corrected Erroneous Statement:

“So, I suggest you to change the slippery floor or replace it with any rubber coating which can shield the slippery floor, that can make your customer happy as they would be able to move in and around your supermarket without this risk of any injury or accident.”
Para 4:

Strength:

Finishing statement is written

Corrected Erroneous Statement:

“I would request you to please take some actions for your customer’s safety.

Yours faithfully,
Ramesh Kumar”

Expected Band Score: 5 Band

The candidate has tried answering all the points of the question but the second point is somehow not well explained while there is off-topic or extra information instead. There are a lot of mistakes in structuring the sentences, grammar, tenses, vocabulary and others that restrict band score to 5.