Let us analyse performance of one of the candidates in IELTS writing task 2 mock exam.
Question asked in IELTS Writing Task 2:
More and more number of people are travelling nowadays as compared to the past.
What are the reasons behind it? What are the benefits of travelling.
Candidate’s Response for IELTS Writing Task 2:
In today’s world, travelling has become a form of entertainment and we see more people travelling as compared to earlier days.
If we ponder on the question ‘why is this the case?’, Mainly three points are highlighted. That is, awareness, increase in spending capacity and smaller families. To begin with, let’s understand that people are becoming more aware about their surroundings due to numerous exposures to the outside world like print media and virtual media like the internet or television. They are continuously bombarded with information on lovely pictures of the locales around the world. For example, an travel agency will exhibit lovely posters.
Secondly, with two earning members that is husband and wife in a family the spending capacity increases. So they can plan elaborate Holidays without twining a hole in their pockets. And lastly, today’s smaller families have no extended relatives. This leaves them with not many options of spending their vacations with. Hence travelling around becomes a viable option to spend their holidays.
Exposure to a new culture is the main benefit of travelling for a traveller. It makes them understand, that there is a world outside their cocoon which has their own ways of eating, celebrating and thinking. Apart from this, a broader prospective is achieved by the traveller in terms of technology progress and it’s effect on standard of living of the common man.
To sum it up, travelling is an enriching experience which teaches the traveller about life. And as a curious human, which we all have been and with available option, we have been travelling more than ever before.
Now, let us do complete analysis of the IELTS writing task 2 above as follows:
Introduction:
Paraphrasing of the question statement is there with no grammatical errors.
Body Paragraph 1 in IELTS Writing Task 2:
Strengths:
Reasons and examples are given as asked in the question. Sentence connector is used and idiomatic expression is used “bombarded with”
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
“If we ponder on the question ‘why is this the case?’, Mainly three points are highlighted. That is, awareness, increase in spending capacity and smaller families.” can be corrected as “If we ponder on the question, ‘why is this the case?’, mainly three points are highlighted: awareness, increase in spending capacity and smaller families. ”
“an travel agency” should be “a travel agency”
Body Paragraph 2 in IELTS Writing Task 2:
Strengths:
Sentence connectors (secondly, lastly) are used, idiomatic expression is there (twinning a hole in their pockets), reasons are well given and there is no grammar error.
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
“Secondly, with two earning members that is husband and wife in a family the spending capacity increases. So they can plan elaborate Holidays without twining a hole in their pockets. And lastly, todays smaller families have no extended relatives” can be corrected as:
“Secondly, with two earning members, that is husband and wife in a family, the spending capacity increases. So they can plan elaborated holidays without twining a hole in their pockets. And lastly, today’s smaller families have no extended relatives”
Body Paragraph 3 in IELTS Writing Task 2:
Strengths:
Benefits are given along with use of connective (apart from this) and good use of vocabulary (cocoon, broader perspective) is there.
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
“It makes them” should be “It makes him”, “outside their cocoon” should be “outside his cocoon”, “which has their own ways” should be “which has his own ways”
More benefits should be included as the second para while keeping the first para as reasons of travelling to better structure the paras.
Conclusion:
Strengths Sentence connector is used (to sump up), good vocabulary (enriching, curious) and good structure of complex sentence is there.
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
“as a curious human” should be “as curious humans”
Expected Band Score for IELTS Writing Module: 7.5 Band
Overall, the candidate mostly writes free from grammatical errors and tense related errors while naturally makes use of idioms, sentence connectors. There are usage of complex sentences and attempt of good vocabulary. However, there are sometimes errors related to punctuation and grammar.
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