Essay Writing Evaluation for Band 7

 

Here is the recent exam Essay Writing Question 

With the vast popularity of online education increasing day by day.the trend of classroom training is likely to end in the future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with their statement.

Give reasons for your answers and give examples from your experiences.

Student’s Original Submission of Essay Writing

Educated people are the backbone of the society.It is the irrefutable fact that wide range of population depending on online teaching .Hence, some people believe that classroom education may disappear in coming years.From my point of view . completely disagree with the above statement . Also intend to express my views in following paragraphs

Admittedly,in this era of globalization online studies become more popular among the people without any age differences .Firstly it is more convienet and affordable. through internet and it will get within one click of our computer .

.Also teacher can avilable from any where of the world to our tip of the finger and it is more easy. To the people expecially who all are in busy .Moreover if the person is cannot move from their house or handicapped person at the time online studies are the gift of those who.

Despite the above arugment,i personally believe that classroom education is the most effective method of teaching . Specially, from the past to still now .To explain it further , firstly there is no doubt that it give us to direct evaluation from the teacher. what will not get from online and it helps the student to improve their academic level of studies . For instance mid term examination are conducting every year . So after the evaluation they can improve .Also classroom learning not only for a one student surely it will  for a group of members. Also,  those who from variant  communitity and religion so it helps the student to co operation mentality .Furthermore from the school curriculam gives other recreational activites to the children.  such as sports,computer education and so on and it improves the student

creativity and imagination .

To conclude,classroom studies are more beneficial.

Error Marked Essay Writing

Educated people are the backbone of the society.It is a the irrefutable fact that wide range of population is  depending on online teaching. Hence, that is s why some people believe that classroom  education may disappear in coming years.From my point of view I i completely disagree with the above statement . Also,  intend to express my views in following paragraphs.

Admittedly,in this era of globalization online studies have become more popular among the people. Specially, without any age differences .Firstly it is more convenient (convienet) and affordable through internet. Also,  it will get with in one click on of our computer or phone. So, we can attend classes which saves travel time . Also teachers are available (avilable) from any where in of the world to our tip of the finger.

Easy for to the people especially( expecially) who all are in busy. .Moreover, if a person is cannot move from his their house.  for example, a handicapped person then it is very convenient for him. At the time online studies are the gift.

Despite the above argument (arugment). I  personally believe that classroom education is the most effective method of teaching. Specifically,  from (vthe) past till to still now .To explain it further , firstly there is no doubt that we are in direct contact with the teacher and other students . But, it give us to direct evaluation from the teacher.  which we will not get online and it helps the student to improve their academic level of studies . For instance, mid term examination are conducted (conductiong) every year so after the evaluation .Also,  classroom learning is not only for a one student.  Surely it is will  for a group of members those who from various variant communities

(communitity) and religions so it helps the student to cooperate and work in a team.  Furthermore, from the school curriculum (curriculam) has various subjects gives other recreational activities. Especially,  to the children such as sports,computer education. Also, and it improves the student’s  creativity and imagination .

To conclude,classroom and online education have crucial role in the society.

however, classroom studies are more beneficial.

Essay Writing and Answer Analysis: Objective- Band 6

1. Has addressed the main ideas of the topic.
2. Presents the main ideas but has not substantiated enough.
3. The Essay Writing  is adequately divided into 4 paragraphs with an introduction and conclusion.
4. The essay is too long at 371 words,could limit it between 280-300 words.

Coherence- 5

1. Has presented information with some organisation but lacks overall progression and cohesion.
2. There is no consistency in ideas of Essay Writing.

For Example:

The student has written– Despite the above arugment,i personally believe that classroom education is the most effective method of teaching from the past

to still now .To explain it further , firstly there is no doubt that it give us to direct evaluation  from the teacher what will not get from online….

…..variant community and religion so it helps the student to co operation mentality…..

It should be – Despite the above argument ,I personally believe that classroom education is the  most effective method of teaching from the past till now .To explain it further , firstly there is no doubt that we are in direct contact with

the  teacher and other students which we will not get online……

…..various communities and religions so it helps the students to cooperate and work in a team…

Grammar-  4

1. Sentence structure needs a lot of improvement because of which it is difficult to understand what is being conveyed.  meaning is getting distorted.
2. There are lot of spelling and punctuation errors.

For Example:

The student has written–  Also teacher can available from any where of the world to our tip of the finger and it is more easy to the people especially who all are in busy   Moreover if the person is cannot move from their house or handicapped person  at the time online studies are the gift of those who.

rectification – Moreover,if a person cannot move from his house,for example,a handicapped person then it is very convenient for him.

available,especially….

Vocabulary-  4

1. Wrong and inappropriate usage of words.
2. Limited vocabulary.

For Example:

Student has written- …. . school curriculum gives other recreational activities to the

should be- …school curriculum has various subjects like…..

Overall Band – 5

Model Essay Writing-

There has been lot of technological advancement in the past three decades in various fields like communication, health,education etc. Internet has changed the way we learn and teach.As a result online education has become very popular.There are people who think online education will replace the conventional method of classroom teaching. I disagree with the statement. Because, I feel that the traditional way of teaching and a teacher will never loose its relevance.

Most of us have attended school in our childhood and have some beautiful memories of teachers,classmates and friends. Teachers play a very important role in motivating,guiding and mentoring a student not only in academics but also in their personal lives.Students can clarify their doubts face to face with

the teacher. In schools and classrooms children learn social skills, discipline, learn to help each other and work in teams. They learn to be sensitive, empathetic and sympathetic towards others. for example,when I was in school we collected woolen clothes from our neighborhood. Also, went and gave it in an orphanage.

I feel online education is a boon for handicapped people and many others who want to study. Also, pursue courses of specialization in different fields.Nowadays,technology is also helping in classroom with computer based teaching and learning. Online education can be a support to the existing teaching practices but cannot be a substitute.

In the end,I would like to state that technology can help and make learning an interesting experience but it cannot replace the role of a traditional teacher in a classroom.