Here's a sentence that one of the students on my member site wrote:
Forming a green group to raise awareness about energy conservation at home by switching off lights and electronics when not in use can help to reduce the consumption of fossil fuels.
Can you see anything wrong with this sentence?
The problem for me is that the subject of the sentence is a huge noun phrase: Forming a green group to raise awareness about energy conservation at home by switching off lights and electronics when not in use...
The sentence is trying to communicate a simple idea (x can help to reduce y), but there's too much information in front of the verb / verb phrase (can help to reduce).
Here's how I rewrote the sentence for the student:
In order to cut down on domestic energy consumption, green groups could encourage people to turn off lights and electronic equipment when they are not being used.
Can you see how I made the sentence clearer?
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